Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove’s only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you’re not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked,
in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know
it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff
like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the
peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store,
wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint
Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped
them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr.
Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to
put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands
and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove
covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the
sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s
mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down…
there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For
vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.
My Review
Fire Down Below tells the story of Dove, a young woman suffering from issues, you know, down below. Her new pharmacist, Dr. Fitzwell (I love this name) and several of Dove’s kooky friends are sure to entertain you. Their lives and daily interactions are quite unusual in a twisted and inappropriately humorous way.
Debra has no filters when it comes to writing and this story is evidence that her talent comes across in all genres. Speaking of genres, what genre is this?
Fire Down Below is shocking but totally hilarious. Have you ever seen the little faces on the wall in the Emergency Room, you know, the ones that ask you to rate your pain? Well, I think I made all of those faces while reading this book. I laughed, cringed, felt a bit nauseous and laughed over and over again.
Debra will delight you with her characters and their antics. It’s crazy because I could actually relate to this motley crew. I could actually see a little bit of people I actually know in each one of them. Duke, has to be the most bizarre and hilarious neighbor to have. He grew on me and I actually liked him a lot. I thought I had the craziest neighbors in real life. The nudists next door to me are nothing compared to this cast. (True Story, TMI?) Speaking of neighbors, I loved the crazy porn writer and her husband. Their surprising appearance added to the humor.
I know I smiled when I read about TK. I love The Kitty and his sexy tattooed owner from another book too.
You will encounter a nerdy and sexy pharmacist, a pervy hot dog vendor, crazy friends, strange body functions, lotions and putrid scents in this outlandish read. But, within all of this craziness, you will find a love story. While it may not be your traditional love story, you are going to enjoy it for sure. It is one-of-a-kind.
The ending, a cliffhanger! I can’t wait for the next book in this series.
Let me warn you, your e-Reader may short out after you’re done reading Fire Down Below.
I gave this hilarious book 5 stars! I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
GIVEAWAY (x2)
Giveaway #1
Enter to win an eBook copy of Fire Down Below.
One lucky winner will be selected via random.org. This contest is international. (no purchase necessary to win)
All you have to do is leave a comment on this post answering this question:
What is your favorite Debra Anastasia book? If you have never read her books, why would you like to win this book?
Contest runs from 2/28/15 through 3/4/15.
The winner will be notified via email. Good Luck!
But wait, there’s more – Giveaway #2
One lucky winner will also win a maxi pad puppet from Debra Anastasia. The winner will be selected via random.org on 3/4/15 and will be notified via email.
For this giveaway, Leave a message for Debra on this post in the comments with the hashtag #maxipadpuppet.
The maxi pad puppets don’t have passports. This giveway is US only.
There are a lot of eyes in Debra
Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring
at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the
kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after
17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are
looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the
cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that
internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
Debra has a smattering of books in a
few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie
Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire
Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the
Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance
will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is
special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get
it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be
prepared…
Reading & Writing Between The Wines Blog 